Open Your Eyes
by CrimeSceneDna
Summary: Maybe it's time you opened your eyes. CathWar
1. Prologue

-1

"Open your eyes Cath. I don't know how you can remain totally oblivious after all these years."

"Totally oblivious to what exactly?" Replies an agitated Catherine.

"To this"

He nervously leans in and claims her lips with his, letting every emotion he's held for so long release into the kiss. Her lips move in sync with his without her even realizing what's happening, she tries to pull back but something keeps her right there with him.

"I can't do this."

"W..h.what but, but you kissed me back."

"I know and I'm sorry, it's not that I don't want this...it's just not right."

"I don't understand."

"I made a mistake, a mistake that you'll never be able to forgive me for...I can't even forgive myself so I'd never expect you to"

Catherine allows her tears to fall freely down her white cheeks and stands up to leave the room, she ignores the concerned hand clutching at her arm and runs through the lab, out through the glass doors and into the pouring rain. Everything she's ever wanted is back inside that room but her impatience and lust several years before had ruined all of her chances of happiness with him. She closes her eyes and accepts that this is the path she's chosen in life and that's the way it should be...the way it was always going to be.


	2. Mind Games

Lindsey listens quietly outside her Mother's bedroom door, the gentle sobs pull at her heartstrings and tears fill her own eyes. Slowly she pushes the door open and finds Catherine sitting cross legged on the bed, clutching a small photo in her hands. Her daughter's entrance startles her a little causing her to quickly slip the photo under her pillow.

"Mom?"

"Yes baby?"

"Are you ok? You don't seem happy."

"I'm ok Linds but I'd be even better if you could promise me something."

"Aww Mom you can't make me promise to keep my room tidy or anything like that, you know I can't."

Catherine laughs slightly at her daughter.

"It's nothing like that sweetie. I just want you to promise me you will make a better life for yourself than what I've made for you. I've messed up honey, probably worse than ever before and I don't think I can make things right."

"Oh come on Mom it's not like you killed someone."

Silence

"Mom, you didn't kill someone did you?"

"No of course not but I think I've just broken Warrick's heart."

"He told you?" Lindsey asks excitedly.

"He told me but it's too late baby, we could never be happy."

"I don't understand Mom, I thought you loved him."

"I do, more than anything but I did something stupid and I couldn't be with him, well not without telling him."

"Omg then Mom just tell him, you adults confuse me sometimes."

"I wish it was that simple, he'd hate me for sure."

"He could never hate you Mom."

The honk of a horn interrupts and Lindsey kisses her Mom's cheek lightly before running out the door to meet her Auntie and cousin for her lift to school. Catherine wipes her tears away and walks to the window to watch her pride and joy getting into the familiar car.

"If only I could have been a little stronger" Catherine sighs to the empty room, allowing her mind to drift back to the same place it always drifts back to……back to him.

* * *

"I don't understand this, what did I do? Where did I go wrong?"

Warrick falls heavily into the old armchair in his living room, it always brought him comfort after a hard case, after a rejection from Catherine and many a time after a long day. But there was something about last nights events that even the comfort of his favorite chair couldn't make right.

He'd been in love with Catherine Willows for the last 6, no 7 years of his life but he'd always been too scared to show it. He was scared of rejection but most of all scared of acceptance, it seems a strange thing to be scared of but he knew she was a hard woman and living with her could be the hardest thing he'd ever done. So he didn't tell her, he married someone he never really loved, that wasn't the intention, he thought he could learn to love her. He wanted to move on, settle down, start a family but every night she invaded his dreams, in fact she was taking over his life, every single thought was of her and there was nothing he could do about.

His married was doomed from the get go and it had fallen apart several months before, he waited for the divorce before making his move. He'd had confidence that this time would go well, this time there would be nothing standing in his way but somehow, someway there was still an obstacle there.

Slowly he picks up the phone and dials Nick's number, he'd already spoken to him the night before but suddenly he finds himself with a lot more to say.

"Maybe I didn't say it right, you know maybe I sounded a little too desperate, a little too undermining. Maybe she thought I was putting her down with those words…I had it all planned you know but in that moment it all got lost."

"Maybe you did everything right, Maybe there's just something that she's holding back on."

"Like what? I thought I meant something to her."

"Warrick, you mean everything to her but maybe she's not ok with the way your marriage ended. Do you not think it's possible she blames herself."

"I guess I never thought of it like that…it's possible, very possible."

"Just talk to her dude, what do you have to lose?"

"Nothing….nothing at all."

Warrick puts down the receiver and sighs to the empty room, allowing his mind to drift back to the same place it always drifts back to…..back to her.


	3. 15 Months

Catherine is curled up on the sofa in her favorite 'comfort' clothes, baggy tracksuit bottoms and an oversize T-shirt which once belonged to Warrick. She snuggles into the material convincing herself that it still smells of him. She gets frustrated at the lack of any good day time TV so she turns it off and throws the remote to the floor. A loud knock at the door only frustrates her more as she doesn't feel like being in anyone's company. Realizing that whoever it is isn't going to go away she gets up and opens the door.

"Warrick now is not a good time."

"So when is going to be a good time? Shall I come back in, lets say 15 months."

Catherine doesn't answer and looks to the floor.

"That's how long it's been, you know since we were together. I thought we were going to be together forever then you just ended it and you never did explain why it was over. In fact you never really even said it was over you just started backing away from me. Did I do something wrong?"

"No Warrick." Catherine answers feeling deflated.

"Then why? 'Cause the only reason I can think of is that I never meant anything to you."

Tears fill his eyes and he looks away.

"Oh god, I can't believe you think that. You meant everything to me, you still do."

"Then why? Why can't we try?"

"I told you before, it wouldn't work."

"I don't understand why."

"You have to deal with the consequences of your actions and I wasn't strong enough, I'm sorry."

"What consequences? What actions?"

"None of that is important now, all I know is that if we do this I'll end up breaking your heart. I can't give you what you need."

"You are what I need, you're everything I want. You're the reason I take each breath, the reason I come back fighting after every crappy case and you're the reason I stopped gambling. Having your friendship gave me the push I needed."

"You'll always have my friendship."

"That's not enough anymore Cat."

Catherine can't hold back her tears anymore and goes to close the door but Warrick stops it with his leg.

"You still have my T-shirt."

"War, please don't."

"It looks good on you, better than it ever did on me." He laughs slightly to try and break the sad atmosphere surrounding them.

"Well I must admit you always looked better out of it."

"I could say the same about you."

"You deserve someone better, I thought maybe Tina would be the one for you but I guess she's still out there waiting for you somewhere."

"There's no one but you and there never will be."

"You're gonna have one hell of a lonely life if that's how you feel."

"Then I'll take the lonely life because no one compares to you."

"You wouldn't be saying that if you knew."

"There's nothing you could tell me that would make me feel any different."

Catherine closes her eyes and decides that it's now or never, it would be easier on Warrick if he could just hate her and get on with the rest of his life without her complicating it.

"What we had was great War, every moment of it but we were out of control. You know as well as I do that we were sex crazy, we couldn't keep our hands off each other and most of the time we didn't even think twice."

"I'm not sure I follow this."

"I mean that we weren't careful, in fact we were totally care free."

"Isn't that the best way to be?"

"I mean with precautions. We never bothered."

"Are you trying to say you might have given me something?"

…

"Shit Cath I wasn't implying anything, that came out wrong."

"I know you didn't and as far as I know that didn't happen."

"Then what are you trying to tell me?"

"I….I'm not going to make excuses. What I did was wrong and there's not enough time in the world for me to make it up to you."

"Cath you're scaring me."

" I was pregnant."

"W..h..a..t! When we slept together?"

"No Warrick YOU got me pregnant." Catherine answers angrily.

"But I don't understand…you lost it and didn't tell me?"

"I wish I could tell you that but the truth is, I had an abortion……..I killed our baby. I wasn't strong enough and in that moment of weakness I made a mistake and I'm sorry. I should have told you."

Catherine has tears pouring down her pale cheeks and Warrick stands paralyzed by shock. Both lift their heads at the same time and look into each other's tear filled eyes.

"Should have told me you were pregnant? Or should have told me you'd got rid of it?!"

When Warrick gets no reply his eyes flash with anger and before realizing what he's doing he finds his hand coming in contact with Catherine's face. Catherine holds the side of her face in shock and quickly moves to close the door before he can stop her. Slowly she slides down behind it, burying her head in her hands and begins to cry hysterically.

"Cath I'm sorry, please I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." Warrick shouts at the empty space Catherine had occupied seconds before.

"Shit, what have I done?!


	4. Evidence Before Feelings

'Sara and Greg you've got a decomp.'

'Cath, Warrick shooting at a bank, two bodies to process.'

Every part of Catherine wants to scream out no but she keeps her cool and gets up from the sofa. Warrick takes this as a hint and smiles at Nick before following her from the room.

'You drive.' Catherine mutters and strides off ahead.

Both walk across the car park and get into the SUV without saying a word or even looking at each other, Warrick turns the key in the ignition trying to keep his shaking hands steady leaving Catherine to turn on the radio and reapply some lipstick, trying everything and anything to pass the time.

'Cath, I…'

'Don't bother Warrick, you made it clear how you felt last night and I don't blame you for feeling that way. Let's not hurt ourselves by going through it all again. If we don't mention it maybe the day will go quicker and you can get away from me much faster than you anticipated to.'

Warrick turns his attention back to the road. He wants so much to talk about it, to find out if he did something wrong to make her do what she did. He lets his mind drift and without meaning too loses a little concentration on his driving.

_I wonder if it was because I was married, she didn't want to break it up, disgrace herself as being the other woman who got herself pregnant to keep her man. At least she didn't do that, I think that is the lowest thing a woman can do, trap a man like that. It can't be healthy for a relationship. Maybe if I was a little more supportive of her ideas, a little more sure of what I wanted. Maybe she wouldn't have done what she did._

_I think I could be a good dad, I'm getting older now so maybe my chances are up. I guess that's why this cuts so deep because I'm realizing that it may have been my only hope of being a father. That must be amazing to watch something so precious, so tiny and perfect come into the world, something you and the love of your life made together, something to be proud of._

A loud toot of a passer bys hooter snaps his concentration back to the road.

'God War, I know you probably want to kill me but you could at least do it in a way where you don't get hurt too.'

'I could never want to kill you, I may be angry but I could never do that.'

Catherine wipes a tear from her eye as they pull up at the bank.

'It's going to be a long day.'

Catherine retrieves their kits from the trunk and approaches the first body, they process separately letting each other have their own time and space. The space allows Catherine to forget all her troubles and concentrate on what she does best, her job. Seeing his shadow behind her makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and causes her heart to skip a beat.

'Do you know what it was?'

'A bank robbery gone wrong?'

'No not this. I mean the baby.'

'I…I.'

'If you don't want to tell me it's ok or if you didn't have a sonogram before you know then just tell me.'

'Warrick I can't do this right now….I'm sorry.'

'Me too……….Me too.'

* * *

'Gris, wait up.'

'What's wrong Nick?'

'Do you really think putting Catherine and Warrick together today was a good idea?'

'I don't know what happened between them, I don't want to know either but the tension was unbearable this morning. The best way for them to sort this out is to be together.'

'It could compromise the evidence.'

'They are both fully qualified CSI's they will not let a personal dispute come between them and the evidence. I appreciate your concern but they will make up, they always do.'

Nick sighs feeling deflated and walks back towards the break room. Sara smiles up at him from the sofa and motions for him to take the unoccupied seat beside her.

'You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.'

'I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.'

'Wanna share the load?'

'I'm worried about Cath, something's wrong.'

'You worry too much, she's a tough woman. Whatever it is she'll come bouncing back.'

'They acted like they hated each other this morning, I've never seen so much pain in his eyes.'

'It's understandable, he's been in love with her for years. Rejection is probably killing him.'

'I think it's more than that.'

Sara entwines her fingers with Nick's and plants a light kiss on his forehead.

'Everything will be ok. It might take a while but they'll work it out.'

'That's what Grissom said.'

'Great minds think alike.'

'Don't let it go to your head sweetie.'

Sara laughs and swats his arm.

'No definitely wouldn't want it to get as big as yours.'

'Hey!'

Sara jumps up knowing she's going to be in trouble for her last comment, Nick is quick to follow and they fly out of the door into the corridor and into a very teary eyed Catherine.

'Shit Cath we're sorry. We were just messing around, you know?!"

Sara nudges his arm and he suddenly notices the tears.

'Hey what's wrong? Do you want to talk about?'

'I'd rather be alone.'

Catherine walks down the corridor leaving behind a very worried Sara and Nick. She turns into her office and slams the door shut, locking it behind her and sits down on the edge of her desk.

_What the hell was I thinking? Why did I tell him? This has made things ten times worse than I ever imagined it to be. Of course I knew he was going to be mad, I knew he'd hate me but I don't think I realized how hard this silence would be. I need to apologize to the others, this isn't fair on them._

_Damn I better tell Lindsey before she finds out from somebody else that her Mom is a murderer because lets face it, that's exactly what I am. I took my baby's life away before it even had the chance to live, I could have moved away, went on holiday and given them up for adoption at least then they would have had a chance to live. _

_Oh god, I'm going to have to transfer._


	5. The Right Thing

The heavy rain pours down on his skin as he lingers outside her front door, rehearsing his lines over and over in his head. The last thing he wants is a repeat of the last two times he tried to tell her how he feels. He clutches the photo in his pocket and knocks gently, half hoping that she won't answer. After several minutes he descends down the driveway deciding that now probably wouldn't be the right time.

'Warrick?'

'Cath, did I wake you?'

'No I can't sleep.'

'Me either.'

'I got the scan, thank you.'

'It's the least I could do, I know it doesn't make up for anything but it's something right?'

'Right and that's why I'm here.'

'Come on in, I think I still have some of your clothes somewhere.'

Warrick dries himself off and quickly changes, worried that if he takes too long he might forget all that he's planned to say. He joins Catherine on the sofa and clears his throat.

'I think you did the right thing.'

'What?'

'The timing wasn't right, we couldn't have made the baby happy.'

'Are you sure that's how you really feel?'

'I've thought about this non stop Cath, it was the best thing to do. At first I was so mad and I thought it was because of the abortion and then I realized it was because you didn't tell me. If that makes me a bad person then so be it. You should have told me, I wouldn't have made you keep it but I understand why you didn't.'

'War.'

'No let me finish babe. I should have left her, after our first night together. I should have went straight home and told her the truth. It's always been you and it always will be. There's nothing left standing between us now. I want to be with you, I'll never forget our baby but you know we could always have another and even if we don't we've got Linds. You and Linds are all I'm ever gonna need.'

'I don't know what to say.'

'Say you love me, say that you'll take a chance, say that you forgive me for every time I let you down and say that this time it's forever.'

'I love you, I always have, I always will. I'll take a chance, I forgive you and I hope you can forgive me and this time it's forever.'

Warrick smiles and pulls her into his lap, wrapping his strong arms around her. His arms always did make Catherine feel safe and tonight is no exception.

'We should take it slow.'

'We will, there's nothing better than going with the flow and this time there's nothing to get in the way. I have no secrets, you have no secrets and any secrets we have in future we'll have together.'

'I like the sound of that.'

'Sounds sexy doesn't it.'

Catherine laughs 'You always have had a way with words.'

'Is that so?'

'Uh-huh, one of the reasons I fell in love with you.'

'What were the other reasons?'

'Oooh I don't know if I can tell you that.'

'Hey! Don't tease me.'

'I'll tell you if you tell me.'

'Is that similar to I'll show you mine if you show me yours?'

'Mmmm it could be, depends on if you have anywhere else you'd rather be?'

'Well I wouldn't mind a Maccy's but other than that.'

They both laugh and allow their lips to lock in their first kiss for fifteen months, not that either one had been counting. Something clicks and it feels like they were never apart.

'This could be the start of something special.'

'Nah it will be.'

'I love you Warrick Brown.'

'And I love you Catherine Willows."


End file.
